He had a “direct cremation” – so now what?
“We had an ashes centred memorial ceremony for my father based on an idea presented on Doug ‘s webpage. This gave us control over the timing, venue and format of the ceremony. The event was a great success and Doug did an exceptional job throughout: from his first meeting with the family, the format and script he created for the event and the way he coordinated and delivered the ceremony itself. Thanks to Doug we were able to have a positive celebration of my father’s life, shared with family, friends and colleagues.”
It’s hard to credit that I got this review over eight years’ ago. Back then direct cremation wasn’t really a “thing” but I was one of the pioneers when my dad died in 2015. We’d had traumatic experience at our local crematorium when my mum died back in the 90s. And were both agreed that when the time came, I would have him cremated unattended (i.e. without a service in the crematorium chapel) and that I would then lead a service at his local social club for all his mates and a few family members with his ashes as a focus for the ceremony. It worked very well, dad had been in the Royal Marines in his youth and we even had a Royal marine bugler come along to play “the last post”.
In January 2016 I set up a page on my Humanists UK website advertising the availability of what I called “ashes centred funerals” and a couple of days later I got my first enquiry. Like dad’s this was a funeral using the cremated ashes as a focus, which was held at the White Hart Hotel in Lincoln, in what must have been one of the first events of its kind. And it resulted in the lovely review above.
Back then I couldn’t have imaged just how fast so called “direct” or unattended cremation would take off. According to the 2024 Sun Life “Cost of Dying” report more than a quarter of all cremations are now “direct”, with just under half of these being followed up with some kind of funeral or memorial service. I have mixed feelings about the growth of direct cremation – it is shaking up the funeral industry and increasing consumer choice, which is great, but it also means that sometimes those left behind don’t get to give their loved one what might be called a “proper send-off” and this can leave some with an empty feeling that they haven’t done justice to an important life event.
That’s where I come in – I’ve been leading and helping people out with ceremonies that do justice to the death of loved ones after a direct cremation longer than any other celebrant and it’s something from which I get huge job satisfaction. This was summed up for me at a recent ceremony I helped out with at local social club in Newark, where the widow stood up at the end of the ceremony and explained that her husband had wanted a direct cremation because he thought that no one would want to come to his funeral and how touched she was to see so many people had come along to celebrate his life and prove him wrong.
If you are having or have had a direct cremation for a loved one then do call me, send me an email or use my contact form and I will be happy to offer friendly free advice to help you decide what to do.
